[mkaraoglan]

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Originally Posted by legion

So I have continued to refuse to take Bob's calls for the past two years because of this incident (and the fact that the check he wrote me as a wedding gift bounced).

I have all of his phone numbers in my caller ID, and if I see one, I don't answer the phone. I don't take any phone calls from unknown phone numbers in the 630 area code either--he has tried to call me from his work and from other people's phones.

He's left dozens of messages over the past two years. Mostly something like "Hey, haven't heard from you in a while, give me a call." The last message sounded a little more desperate. I think he's in trouble, again.

Now I don't return or answer his calls because that only encourages him. And every time he asks for a "favor" (and he only calls to ask for favors) it ends up costing me a significant amount of time and/or money--that is never paid back (despite repeated promises). It just leads to the expectation that he can ask for more next time.

Example...

Bob: "Chris, I need to borrow $400 to sign up for Chef School."

Me: "You want to be a chef now?"

Bob: "Yeah. And the class is $400. I've always liked cooking. I think I can make a career out of this."

Me: "How do you plan on paying me back?"

Bob: "Once I'm a rich chef, money shouldn't be a problem."

Me: "And what if you don't become a rich chef."

Bob: "Oh I will. I love cooking. This is going to be so much fun. I'll open an expensive restaurant. We go back a long way, Chris. We've been buddies for a long time. I just need $400 to realize my dream, and some money for fees and the textbook. And a ride twice a week to the cooking school."

Me: (Realizing that the expectation has now shifted from loaning $400 to financing his culinary education). "No. You never pay me back, and you never follow through on any of your dreams."

Bob: "Come on man, I really want to do this."

Me: "Then you can find another way to pay for it."

***

Anyway, the tone of his last call sounded desperate. I know he's probably calling about money (which I haven't loaned any to him since I was in college). I suspect that his marriage (I think he got married) is breaking up, or he lost his job (again), or he's in trouble with the law (again).

I was thinking, I never call him for anything. I can't depend on him for anything. I have no desire to get advice from him nor even discuss life issues with him. I don't value him as a friend. I view him more as a parasite. Feeding a parasite does not make it go away.

He knows that I'm avoiding his calls (after two years, he said so in his message). I didn't listen to the whole thing. I deleted it as soon as it turned into a guilt trip about how I should call him because he's my friend and we've been friends forever and how I should at least give him the chance to explain whatever he did to piss me off. (I almost feel like he is curious which things I know about.) The thing is, it's been a one-sided friendship forever. I never got anything out of it. I recall that the one time I really needed this guy in high school, he turned his back on me. I haven't depended on him since. On the other hand, I've bailed him out dozens of times--often at great personal sacrifice.

I kind of fear this guy showing up at my doorstep now that he's back in Illinois. I just want him out of my life--permanently. But he is far too persistent when he thinks there is an easy "mark". Thankfully I should be able to remain a heartless conservative in his presence.