[mikester]

I don't know if ANY conversation about this would not be grounds of some kind for harassment.

It's a lame situation you are in and the first thing I would do is check with your lawyer.

Honestly evaluate her performance, she's going through some tough times - has her performance suffered? Has she been a good employee and has she been an employee long enough to really make that judgment.

If her performance has suffered due to these personal issues then I would say it is reasonable to move her into a position that she might be able to be more successful in while she's having these issues.

I guess the last question really is - what do you WANT to do honestly?

I know I'd be uncomfortable with this situation but what it boils down to for a person may simply be that 'the heart wants what it wants.' IF her work has been good and she's been a productive employee until now as long as that doesn't change (much) then I would have to say there really isn't much you can do.