[imcarthur]

Oh, it’s not a Canadian thing but it is it is very common in Chinese culture. My wife & I both left home as early as possible. I was married & owned a house by the time I was 20. My wife was out before she was 18. I agree with all that it is inconceivable to us that they would WANT to live here. We thought that it would be for 3 months or so until she got a job. But other than some cash jobs (the Canadian Chinese way) & a 3 month Price Waterhouse contract, nothing has been forthcoming. She is also studying to pass some analyst designation that ensures a golden career (yeah right). He went from barely scraping through high school to barely being accepted into a local college. We refused to consider sending him away to college because we knew that he would only party & never graduate. 12 – 19 was a very rough ride in this house & our mantra was – keep him at home, in school & get him a modest education. He was capable of more but not willing. Not a bad kid but extremely willful & very intelligent but totally, absolutely ‘head in the clouds’ – just like much of the rest of his ‘entitlement’ generation. A couple of his best friends graduated from college or university & then went back for more because they couldn’t face the prospect of working. And their parents subsidize it. We told him to forget it.

Realistically, his salary wouldn’t cover rent unless it’s the basement apartment variety because Toronto ain’t cheap. He has a nice nest egg for DP from some small inheritances & we’re happy that he is isn’t pissing that away & still saving more. Did I mention that he also drives my car (the BMW) as his daily? We offered more cash as a no-interest loan as a kick start, but that has come off the table for the time being.

Her father (mid-high level Chinese gov’t) bought her a condo in Beijing ($250K) as an enticement to get them to stay/move there & it’s rent covers the carrying costs but no more. She has to spend 3 years of the next 5 in Canada to qualify as a landed immigrant but we know that she really wants to move to Hong Kong or Shanghai. After all, EVERYTHING is cheaper & better there. This threat was dangled by her at least once that we know of. In China, she could get a $40K job (junior financial analyst at Morgan Stanley, Price Waterhouse etc) that would easily mean a 60 hour week, which is her generation’s expectation in the land of the booming masses. His prospects in China (since he doesn’t speak Mandarin) would not be great although her father & her uncle said that they could pull strings & get him something, which would put them under the father’s thumb - a scary long term prospect imho. I could tell you the story about 2 AM the eve of the wedding in Handan & threatening to call out the Chinese army . . . her mother saved the day.

One note about Canadian immigration: as her sponsor, he is financial responsible for her for 3 years. Absolutely with no questions asked in our government’s eyes. Many Chinese women marry Canadian money just to get here. She has a girlfriend that is going down this path. We don’t think that this is her plan but . . .

At this point, we’re thinking of an August 1 start for rent to light the fire. That will be her 1 year anniversary of being a room monkey . . .

Thanks for the suggestions & sympathy guys. There is no easy solution. We just want them to be happy & healthy & living on their own like my 2 kids & all of their cousins . . .

Ian

Dottore: I like you idea about fwding this thread . . .