[Racerbvd]

YOU ARE WHITE TRASH IF...
(often confused with rednecks and biker trash)

You've ever scraped your elbows trying to get something out of a dumpster.
Your kids use Cheeze Whiz in place of toothpaste.

You clean fish on your ironing board.

Your favorite color is chrome.

You wish you could bend your head down as far as your dog can.

You fix "slower-than-dog-**** traffic lights" with a 12 gauge shotgun.

You know where to get government cheese.

You have never "bought" any furniture.

Your attorney can be reached at 1-800-WIP-LASH.

Your kids are the source of school head lice epidemics.

Your wife can weld better than you can.

Your tattoos cost more than your house trailer.

Your kids end up on milk cartons before you notice they're missing.

Your wife thinks her thighs look thinner in Spandex.

You have never actually had a haircut.

You keep your shed more secure than your house trailer.

Your husband's idea of an extended orgasm is holding back until he gets his zipper down.

You've seen someone spray their telephone with Lysol after you used it.

You can get more for your car as scrap metal than on a trade in.

Your kids give meaning to the term 'nose mining'.

You put Kool-Aid in baby bottles.

Your wife changed her own transmission in her Harley.

Your dads favorite comment is: "WELL... butter my butt and call me a biscuit!!!"

You wish those nosy, pencil-pushing' retards at the Division of Insurance Fraud would leave you the hell alone.

You live in Wahoo, Nebraska because you want to.

Your Job skills include being handy with cattle prod and knowing how to roll back an odometer.

You've ever told your wife that Jean-Claude Van Damme is a Homo.

You keep spare Ferris wheel parts in your shed.

Your wife asks about layaway at flea markets.

Your girlfriend breaks her ankle bracelets on your rearview mirror.

Your idea of good luck is finding arm rest towels to match your leopard skin slip covers.

Your dad had a real knack for finding things at the dump that were " too damned good " to be thrown away.

Your wife poses for the BEFORE pictures in miracle weight loss ads.

You've ever threatened to kill one of the neighbor kids for messing with your tackle box.

Your wife's favorite wedding present was a pair of goggles.

You think a pap smear is what daddy wipes on his jeans after a healthy sneeze.

You know which end of the chicken a possum prefers to eat first.

The sight of a Slim Jim makes your wife's mouth water.

You like how mountain oysters taste, for that matter, you know what they are.

You think Samsonite is someone you read about in the Bible.

You'd rather watch Cops than Seinfeld.

You bought a metal detector after your kids found a quarter buried in the sofa cushions.

Your mom and dad shared everything - including a set of teeth.

Your refrigerator has a coat of auto primer on it.

Your boss has to check with the probation department before firming up reservations for the company picnics.

Your contest entry on " How to Avoid the Repo Man " won you a set of jumper cables.

Your mother told a State Trooper she'd take a beathalyzer "when her butt learned how to chew bubblegum".

You pay extra lot rent for the privilege of being within walking distance to the dumpster.

Your wife crochets things for toasters and toilet paper.

You smoke fish in your trunk.

You have an extra "beer fridge" on the front porch.

You grew up believing a woman with no teeth was gifted.

Your roadside mailbox has flames painted on it.

Your idea of foreplay is telling your wife she better be in bed by the time you count to 4.

Your boss invited you to go hunting when he found out you could make duck calls with your armpit.

One of your relatives went bankrupt after winning the lottery.

Your husband remembers you bra size since it's the same as his IQ.

You get discount coupons from the abortion clinic.

Your husband uses GoJo engine degreaser in place of shampoo.

You buy teeth through the mail.

Your old man wore his colors and you wore leather at your wedding.

You have to cut the feet off your panty hose so you can get them over your ankles.

Your sister runs a dating service on her CB called Trucker Tail.

Your car seat covers used to be a chenille bedspread.

You have ever planted flowers in an old toilet.

You've ever been tempted to make night crawler chip dip.

Your local laundromat doubles as your day care center.

You figure you're entitled to use 7-Eleven as your business address since you use the pay phone and restroom there.