[Racerbvd]

Your first training bra came from GoodWill and had cups the size of basketball hoops.

You've tried to get credit with your sweepstakes finalist notifications.

Your wife wins more arm wrestling contests than you do.

Your wife ever wore a tube top to a funeral.

You have ever souped-up a lawn mower and raced it.

If you think the last four words of the National Anthem are: Gentlemen, Start Your Engines...

Your dad always thought that having more than one toothbrush in the house was a waist of money.

Your kids take empty beer bottles to school for Show-and-Tell.

Your boss keeps a bail bondsman on the payroll - just in case.

You've ever had to fish one of your wife's favorite shoes out of the septic tank.

You think a mammogram is that funny little picture they're putting on credit cards now.

Your kids think Hamburger Helper is one of the major food groups.

You ever taken a six pack to a graveside service.

You can spit more than 20 feet.

You have padlocks on the fridge and your bedroom to keep your kids from stealing your stuff.

Your wife says she'd dust more often if you bought her a leaf blower.

You went ahead and ordered that blackhead remover since it came with a free potato peeler.

Your husband caught the sofa on fire trying to light farts.

You've ever asked the police if your kids get to keep the stuff they stole.

Your wife fixes the dents in her car with a STOP sign and Mig welder.

Your kids supply the neighborhood with WILL WORK FOR FOOD signs.

Your car has fenders, doors or the hood painted different colors.

You've ever been assaulted with a toilet seat.

Your boat has not left the yard in 15 years.

Your kids have to call a 1-900 phone sex number if they need to reach you at work.

You store an emergency six-pack in the toilet tank.

You have ever threatened to shoot somebody over a parking space.

The tires on your truck cost more than the truck.

Your dashboard doubles as a religious shrine.

Santa Claus refuses to let your kids sit in his lap.

You take your kids sledding with a garbage can lid, a rope and a Trans Am.

You respond to " EARN BIG $$ Money At Home " ads.

You lost interest in your wife after she lost 250 pounds.

You know how to disassemble a merry-go-round.

You have cockroaches big enough to ride.

Your outdoor Christmas lights cost more than your trailer did.

Your dentist can't clean your teeth without gagging.

You know anything about barnyard science or animal husbandry.

Your wife wants to convert the camper into a mobile dog grooming salon.

You refuse to live in a trailer park that has speed bumps.

Your husband's idea of a wet dream is a free case of Molson Export.

You use the garden hose to clean your living room carpet.

You keep bait in your refrigerator.

You got your house trailer "Free for the hauling".

The only thing your wife uses a steam iron on is a grilled cheese sandwiches.

You've ever tried to buy Girl Scout cookies with food stamps.

Your wife had a hysterectomy so she could grow a better mustache than you.

Your husband's one and only sexual fantasy involves Roto-Rooter.

You wrote Dear Abby letter when your rabbit had baby kittens.

The image of Jesus mysteriously appears on the side of your mobile home.

Your grandmother wears a T-shirt that says JUST BLOW ME.

You've ever mooned a gun control rally.

The smell of bait makes you home sick.

The only thing you keep in your closet is guns.

Your sister takes steroids for PMS.

You met your girlfriend on a construction job.

You carry your lunch in something that can be fixed with Bondo.

The smell of diesel fuel makes you miss your wife.

Your toupee looks like it was made in the blender with cat hair and wallpaper paste.

You've spent an unemployment check on Harley parts and lotto tickets.

You trim your husband's back hair with a weed whacker.

You've ever sent you husband to the store for a box of Carp-Helper.

You won anything with fringe on it.

Your wife wears panty hose under her shorts.

You husband calls his Wet Vac " Precious "

You have a relative who collects girls bicycle seats.

Your teeth and gums are featured in a periodontal brochure.

Your mail order business is featured in an FBI's training manual.

Your appearance on Oprah gave viewers a better understanding of justifiable homicide and mountain law.

Your local beauty shop doubles as a dog grooming salon.

You have the VFW Post and Psychic Hot Line on speed dial.

Your husband proposed to you at a Dunkin Donuts counter.

The high school football team came to your baby shower.

Your mom knows how to make cotton candy.

You've ever gone to any Amway meeting on purpose.

You think being double-jointed entitles you to additional welfare benefits.

You get concerned when the price of scrap metal drops.

Your husband's idea of a weakness is the government's idea of a felony.

Your son Bud is named after what was on tap the night he was born.

You started your own business with a bucket, a flash light and a frog gig.

You've ever moved your family to Florida with a homemade trailer, no job prospects and less than $20 in your pocket.

You've never seen an encyclopedia salesman, Fed-Ex truck or Realtor in your neighborhood.

You have trouble getting over speed bumps with your wife in the car.

Your husband's idea of getting lucky is passing a vehicle emissions test.

Your family portrait looks like a science project gone awry.

You once spent an entire afternoon explaining to police what you were doing in the sub-division wearing only a hunting cap and a pair of binoculars.

You've ever broken a set of knuckles or toes on a vending machine.

You can gauge wind direction with your wife's facial hair.

You've ever tried to buy real estate with no money down.

Your home town has the word Beaver or Lick in it.

Your boss lets you trim your toe nails at work.

You've ever worked for the IRS on purpose.

Your wife pawned her wedding ring to raise dog show entry fees.

The words "Rehab", "Rodeo", or "Roadside" show up on your job applications.

Your family was the subject of a genetic research project.

Your husband owns a book called " How To Earn a Fortune In The Lawnmower Engine Repair Business".

You've ever made it your business to find out how long the eviction process takes.

You have something on your property that people pay to see.

You've ever put a 911 operator on hold while you grabbed a cold one.

You've ever taken a job you found in the "Seasonal" section of the want ads.

You wrote for information on how to erase bad credit instantly.

Your kids make Slurpees with yellow snow.

Your attorney makes house-trailer calls.

Your wife uses Preparation-H on her thighs.

You've ever dreamed of being on a TV game show.

You know what head lice shampoo smells like.

Your last sighting was featured in the National Enquirer.

Your life has been one long bad hair day.

You started carrying two sets of ID after you were born again.

You can't apply for jobs that require owning your own tools.

You mend your clothes with a stapler.

Your dish towels double as shop rags.

You wore sleeveless wedding gown so people could see your tattoos.

Your wife knows how to run a backhoe.

You own a nightgown that lights up.

You've ever appeared on TV with a talking dog.

You've never been given keys to anything at work.