[mikester]

I would punt as well but as far as etiquette is concerned I don't think she did anything that you should not have expected. It would have been nice to get a heads up but that is always the case. For folks I provide personal references for (the standing kind) they do not have to give me a heads up but it is nice to have. Generally speaking when you leave a job you have your boss's contact info but no HRs so who do you put for employment reference? Your boss.

If you were her direct supervisor you are her reference. Period - now all you should do I believe for ANYone for a general employment reference is confirm employment dates. In this case there is nothing wrong for you to punt this to HR either. Assuming she left on good terms you should have no problems with that, if the terms were less than good you should ONLY do that or simply punt and I believe some states have laws regarding this.

For a personal reference or something more than general employment you can do what you feel appropriate (regarding those you said have a standing reference with you).

If she was using you as a personal reference then yes - she should have spoken to you first.