[sammyg2]

Here's some more, probably fromn the same author:


Whitworth Sockets
Once used for working on older British cars and motorcycles, they are now used mainly for impersonating that 9/16" or 1/2" socket you’ve been searching for the last 15 minutes.

Hydraulic Floor Jack
Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new disk brake pads, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.

8' Douglas Fir 2x4
Used for levering an automobile upward off a hydraulic jack handle.

Tweezers
A tool for removing wood splinters.

Phone
Tool for calling your neighbour to see if he has another hydraulic floor jack.

Snap-On Gasket Scraper
Theoretically useful as a sandwich tool for spreading mayonnaise; used mainly for getting dog poop off your boot.

E-Z Out Bolt and Stud Extractor
A tool ten times harder than any known drill bit that snaps off in bolt holes you couldn’t use anyway.

Craftsman ½"x16" Screwdriver
A large prybar that inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end opposite the handle.

Aviation Metal Snips
See hacksaw.

Trouble Light
The home mechanic’s own tanning booth. Sometimes called a drop light, it is a good source of vitamin D, “the sunshine vitamin,” which is not otherwise found under cars at night. Health benefits aside, its main purpose is to consume 40-watt light bulbs at about the same rate that 105-mm Howitzer shells were used during the first few hours of the Battle of the Bulge. More often dark than light, its name is somewhat misleading.

Air Compressor
A machine that takes energy produced in a coal-burning power plant 200 miles away and transforms it into compressed air that travels by hose to a Chicago Pneumatic impact wrench that grips rusty bolts last over-tightened 58 years ago by someone at ERCO and neatly rounds off their heads.


Mechanic’s Knife
Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts.

Dammit Tool
Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling “Damn it!” at the top of your lungs. It is also the next tool that you will need.

Expletive
A balm, usually applied verbally in hindsight, which somehow eases those pains and indignities following our every deficiency in foresight.