[Christien]

My wife's parents are in a similar boat, though nowhere near as difficult as your situation. They took nana in about 7 years ago, and at first it was a cakewalk - she had the basement to herself and was no problem. However with further age (she's 86 now) comes more dependence. It's become a real burden on them, and I think is more than they bargained for. Don't get me wrong, they love her like anyone loves their parents, but I don't think they expected her to live this long and to require this much attention.

Granted, here in Canada we get significantly more help through gov't health care than you would in the US, which helps a lot - she gets regular visits from various health care providers and I believe her medications are covered. We looked into respite care for a month - it's very expensive, about $3500. Though I think we might have everyone in the family chip in some and do it, just to give the in-laws a break for a few weeks.

But like Jim said, never mind the politics of it, I don't think anyone, whether it be policy makers or pension-plan creators or retirement planners, figured on people living as long as they do now. So the burden, financial, social and emotional, falls mostly on the children's shoulders.