Tough subject, this...who is "worthy" of our help. I don't mean that in a sarcastic way at all. There are those that play the margins of our sympathies and desire to help, so I understand the frustration.
Over the years, after getting much the same results as Wayne, I have developed a few litmus tests to focus my charitable efforts on the truly needy (as I see it):
- No gifts of any kind other than necessities such as food, wood for a fire, or clothing if you don't know them in advance. Once you get a sense of the individual or family, that can change.
- Many have mentioned it on the thread, but on of the best gifts is time: Years ago we took a disadvantaged family to dinner and a movie...we had met them before and we all liked each other so it was natural and not uncomfortable. Moose, the Dad, offered to come help me with some farm stuff and we agreed. We all had a ball.
Funny thing with spending time not money: giving folks things or money is less valuable than our time. And everybody knows it.
Interesting side note on Moose. He was disabled in an accident and once he got back on his feet (literally) he got work as a tow truck driver and did well. He got offered a job in Michigan and needed a car (more on cars later) reliable enough to get his family there. I gave him a 1976 320i that I was commuting in, dead reliable and worth about $400.00 bucks. Best thing I ever did. Still get a Christmas cards from the Moose's. I've got many Moose stories, some of them not flattering.
- Help with cars. I became very adept at
helping fix old Monte Carlos and other assorted Detroit iron. Sounds like I'm profiling but
we did the work and I did the math
Mobility is life so I insisted that whoever owned the car was going to get greasy.
- Volunteer. The time thing again. I do the Habitat thing once a month because I like it and I get a sense of the health of my community. That is how I met Moose.
- Old folks. Great post(s) earlier. When my wife's Grandfather was in an assisted care facility years ago, my whole focus shifted. I took the kids there every Sunday and spent at least two hours with Grandpa Jack and his circle of friends. The three Thanksgivings we celebrated when he was there were great because any of his buddies that didn't have a place to go came here. Nothing like five old farts telling stories...
- Animals. Great post(s) earlier. My Mom was the head of the local SPCA when I was in high school and college. There is no greater calling or more noble work. It is not for the feint of heart or for me. I couldn't do it.
- Once you retire. Best guy I know, a retired Navy O-6, Vietnam helo pilot, medals and ribbons you can't believe, my old XO and CO when I was doing flight test at Patuxent River, did it right, walked the "I just want to give back" walk:
He started 'Healthy Connections' from scratch after he retired. Read about HC and my buddy Bob Young here:
http://www.healthy-connections.org/index.php
Amazing man who could flat our rock in a helo...I learned a lot from him.
Sorry to be so preachy, but volunteering, giving, is when we are at our best.