What others have said is true about the ownership/management of a dealer being the deciding factor; it trickles down to who they hire as managers and who those people hire as mechanics, sales people, parts counter, etc...
I was recently in the biggest HD dealer here in L.A., Bartell's HD. The salesguy who "upped" me was nice enough and answered questions even though I made clear that I was just passing through. (Doing research for a friend). The whole mega-retail atmosphere that you describe was present with the heavily-customized bikes parked outside with (probably) low miles on them and their owners walking around with thousands of dollars in HD gear on their backs. There was definitely an attitude in the air that $$ talks and anything else can take a hike.
I met he owner, Gene Bartell, once several years ago and he's actually a pretty nice guy. (In his defense). Still, the place would make you sick with the entire wall full of photos of every movie star who ever rode a Harley posing with him in front of dealer sign. (There are a LOT of them).
Both of the local Ducati dealers here are fantastic places that are just as you describe, awesome machinery everywhere you look and a direct connection between service/parts/sales people because they're all fanatics and nice guys. (And gals). The sales people will talk bikes for hours with you when they're not busy with no hint of sales pressure other than the occasional "you need to get one of these" remark. (Which is the truest statement you'll ever hear a vehicle salesman make).
