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You're doing great
Steve,
My opinion: You're doing great! This is hard and we're here for you.
On the military question: I have to tell you that we wouldn't want him as a hardened drug user any time soon. We are not interested in having to watch our young troops who carry guns, or work on aircraft that other people fly (or tanks or.....whatever). We all trust our lives to the people next to us and unfortunately your son is not that person. However, if he were clean for half a decade or more and admitted to his past he could be vetted into service.
Keep up the interested tough-love you're practicing and take advice from the ones here who are giving the good thoughts and we all succeed together.
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