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Just read the thread front to back. It wasn't hard to guess where it would head, and it's also not hard to guess where it's going. I'm very sorry to hear that you and your wife are going through this. Unless you've dealt with it, as you said, tough love is easier said than done.
I think you know this probably will not end well. It's important that you and your wife accept that possibility and also accept that there is little, if anything, you can do to save the life of one on a self destructive path. Seriously - at this point you need to consider your wife's emotional state (and your own as well) above all else - even the step son's. Sorry to be a downer. I've been here twice. One didn't make it. I spent 10 years trying to fix something that couldn't be fixed. Alanon, therapy, midnight runs to get her out of jail, etc. All for nothing. I finally realized I was doing nothing to help the problem and cut off contact. Hardest thing I've ever done in my life. The other did make it, but was in and out of jail/prison/rehab until recently. I think she finally has had enough and maybe, just maybe, will have a life worth living. Albeit one that is severely limited by felony convictions, etc.
I wish you and your wife the best. Stay strong.
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