[jcommin]

I haven't read all 5 pages of this post but I get the general sense of your issue.

First let me say I empathize with you. I had a similar problem with my own son. It isn't easy. Kid/children/stepchildren issues can damage and destroy your own relationship with you wife. I can only imagine the angst you and your wife are going thru.

The toughest thing for any parent is knowing when you have had enough. It certainly was for me. Changing the rules, raising the bar, making excuses is nothing more than enabling. Ask any recovering addict or alcoholic. I threw my son out of the house in June of last year because I could not take it any more. I got tired of the 'sorry card' the 'not my fault card' on and on. My parting words to my son: "I have tried this your way and it doesn't work, I'm doing this my way".
I was depressed the entire summer, beating myself up for not doing enough, looking at my parenting as a failure, lowering my own self esteem. I was embarrassed and ashamed.

I cut him off monetarily, took cars away. He could only come over upon an invitation. Coming to my home unannouced, I would call the Police.

Now you need to walk the walk in whatever you do. Telling somone to go to hell, you need to mean it.

My son went to rehab in December of last year and has been sober. He has enrolled in school and is getting good grades. Do I trust him......no way. Would I take him back.......someday, not yet. He hasn't proved himself to me and more importantly to himself.

My only advice to you: You need to learn to forgive yourself. It isn't your fault, not yours to fix.

When my son left in June, I gave him a copy of the parable of the Prodical Son found in the NT of the Bible. I told him to read it.

I am waiting for my son to return. Don't know how long it will take, but I wait.


Good Luck,


Jim