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Originally Posted by asphaltgambler
Thanks guys for the advice and support. The will is concrete and divides his estate equally among the four of us. We (us kidz) have a very good relationship and have discussed how we feel.
The flip side here is that Dad is pure old school and we have also agreed (amongst ourselves) that dad would never liquidate his estate until he is in the clay.
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I have handled a number of these situations in my private practice as well as when I worked for the Federal government (SS admin) so I've peed out of the tent as well as into the tent. Addditionally, I'm facing the same issues personally with my family althiough both mom and dad are still alive. Complete with "old school" attitudes. Including trying everything possible to keep dad in particular from having to go to a NH. Dad (77 y.o.) is fiercely independent and has spent the last 25+ years living on and running our farm so it would be his demise if he had to be placed in a lock down, skilled nursinng facility. After the initial discomfort, dad was pretty stoic and concluded that if it was an absolute necessity he would prefer to go to a VA home that he was familiar with throughone of his relatives.
What has seemed to work in our situation is honest communication about the possibilities with the clear proviso that institutionalization is an absolute last resort. And we looked at their finances and involved everyone in the contingent planning process...we have sitters/housekeepers they know and have used on ocassions at our disposal. Interestingly they have become something of surrogate family members. My brother and I have encouraged them to use their financial resources to make life more comfortable on an as needed basis and not worry about our inheritance..
The scenario you are facing is increasingly commonplace as baby boomers' parents are aging into their 70's, 80's, and even 90's. I am blessed that my parents have sufficient income, resources, insurance, etc. to provide for a comfortable existence in their final years without worrying about outliving their money. But then again, they are relatively frugal by most standards.
Good luck. And I pray your father's final years are comfortable and he is able to live out his life in familiar surroundings. That has been my goal with my parents.