[jyl]

Wanted to get thoughts on a situation involving my daughter, a friend/classmate, and a teacher. Maybe too trivial to post about, but nothing seems too trivial for PPOT so here goes.

Cast of characters: daughter ("D"), her friend ("F"), another classmate ("C"), and her teacher ("T"). 6th grade.

D and F were playing around at lunch. D pretended to lead F around by pulling F's hair, which they apparently do to each other (I guess this is a girl form of horseplay). F was late to her regular meeting with T who also serves as advisor to F and several other kids (advisors meet with kids periodically to discuss grades, etc). When asked why she is late, F says D was pulling her hair and hurting her to make her do something. T announces to her assembled advisees that D is a bad friend and behaves badly. D is not present, has not spoken to T prior to this, is not spoken to by T about the incident in T's class that afternoon, and knows nothing about T's comments. C is in the advisee group and, that evening, she calls my wife and leaves a vmail relating T's statements. D and F chat online that night, and F writes that the pulling indeed hurt and that she "played it up" with T. F notes that she can cry on cue. D apologizes and says she thought they were just playing as usual. D goes to bed crying.

Background: D is a smart, obedient kid who is shy at school. She thinks T doesn't like her and that T plays favorites in class. D is hating T's class (though still among the best grades in the class) and I'm worried it is turning her sour on the subject (it is a very important subject, to me). T is a relatively new teacher (2nd year at the school), and teaches this subject for all middle school grades, so D will have her next year as well. F and D were best friends for two years, not quite as much lately. We know F's parents and like them, they are nice folks (both doctors).

I have a transcript of D and F's chat and of C's vmail.

What should I do, if anything?

My current plan: I've told my wife that I want a meeting on Friday with T and the head of the middle school. My goals are
(1) have T reassess her conclusion about the incident
(2) have T cease making public negative statements about kids' character/behaviour without first hearing both sides of an incident and checking with the kid's advisor
(3) repair the relationship between T and D enough for D to not hate the subject
(4) otherwise, arrange for D to not take T's class next year, and to instead take private Saturday classes on the subject.
(5) Not use the chat transcript as it was a private conversation between D and F (right now D has no problem with us monitoring her chats and emails, I'd not like to jeopardize that).

Comments, suggestions, should I just tell D to call it a life lesson and move on?