So there are these two long 8' x 18" particleboard shelves that have been hanging around for five years. First under my car, then on the side of the house, then laying down by a walkway so they won't blow over (again). SWMBO last week mentioned it would be nice if they went away. This morning I saw a fresh cut on my dog's nose from pushing said boards around in his never ending quest to flush out and kill a lizard. Time for them to go away.
I'm too lazy to pull out the circular saw and extension cord to cut into small enough pieces to toss in the trash (boards outside so long they are useless). I know, I can break those boards into smaller pieces using my friends: gravity and a class 2 lever.
Lean one end against the house about 2' in the air on some sturdy stones. I walk on the middle of the plank and it bends down like a cartoon (subtle foreshadowing). "What I need here is more leverage," the three remaining neurons fire off as I drag the boards off to meet their maker.
Lean the board about 4' up in the air against the big concrete retaining wall. I'm walking up the plank as if a Pirate has a sword in my back. Just as I'm about to give up, Crack! Board snaps in half. Part I'm standing on slams soundly to the ground. Part that nano-seconds before was leaning against the retaining wall ricochets off the wall like a possessed superball at which point it moves rapidly towards my head.
Fortunately reptile-brain, sensing danger, puts hands in front of skull to defend from certain impact. Fat part of hand by thumb absorbs most of impact, knuckle on other hand shares the load. Hand hurts like hell, begins to swell. Cognitive portion of brain initiates giggling reflex over once again surviving another episode of Don's garage adventures.
Second board, sensing possible use of waterboarding or power tools, gives in and breaks without incident.
