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Yesterday I was at my local COSTCO buying a large bag of Purina Dog Chow
for my loyal pet, Zoe, the Doggie Dog, and was in the
checkout line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
What did she think I had, an elephant? So since I'm retired and
have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog,
I was starting the Purina diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't,
because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds
before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of
most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially
a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets
with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry.
The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it
again. I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now
enthralled with my story. Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive
care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, it was because
I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's ass and a car hit us both.
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was
laughing so hard.

Sadly, Costco won't let me shop there anymore.....