I find a harder (non-gel) saddle actually is better. The gel ones simply contour to your soft tissue and increase the amount of rubbing that goes on - at least this is what I found...
Try different shorts (including bib shorts) until you find ones that work. *shrug* Don't know what else to tell ya. Have you tried adjusting seat and riding position? A few millimeters makes a big difference. You want your ass bones on the seat and carrying the weight - you don't want your soft tissue (buttocks, muscles, etc.) carrying any weight. This will make you uncomfortable and could help create extra movement "down under" that might be related to your problem.
I'd experiment with:
- saddle
- saddle position (geometry)
- shorts type
The lotions and creams and powders don't do jack - at least I don't think so. Once you're riding hard stuff gets sweated off anyway. If you're riding more than an hour I'd say it's not doing anything. Or else you're not riding hard enough...
Just keep your shorts/gear clean and shower up right after you ride.