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I strongly agree with all of the advice for you to get some professional help without your wife to start.
What she is doing to your kids and you right now is not right no matter what her issues are. She is faced with a terrible situation but she needs to understand how her behavior over the long term will impact you and especially the kids. If she can't do that you need to remove them from the situation. A man is supposed to be loyal, I get that. But loyalty is misguided if over the long term she can't face her situation and change her behavior. You have to protect yourself and your children at some point from this abuse.
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Jerry
1983 911 SC/Carrera Franken car, 1974 914 Bumblebee, 1970 914-4, 1999 323ti
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