[Dueller]

Write her the following letter:

To my loving wife,

I feel like such a total jerk for not doing more for you on our anniversary. But there is somethong else I feel i must tell you and it breaks my heart even more.

For the past two years I have been having an affair with a Fillipino prostitute. This may explain my frequent absences I have lied to you about saying I was at work. I think I am in love with her. But I can't commit to her until she quits seeing other men. She promises me she will in the next year or two when she saves enough money to bring her family to the states. I would have left her before but we have a child together who is now 6 months old. And ahe is now pregnant again. She and the baby are HIV positive but fortunately I have not yet tested positive even though we obviously don't practice safe sex. I would hope you could welcome her and our child into our home to live with us...and her mother and three sisters when they arrive in the states. We could be one large happy family with your blessings.

OK. None of the above is true. Except that I really was a jerk to not do more for you on our anniversary. Can you forgive me?

Love,

Your ever faithful yet inconsiderate husband

P.S. Enclosed are the airline tickets for our anniversary trip