[mikester]

My parents started arguing after we went to bed about the time I turned 13. In front of or behind closed doors, if your kids are in the house when you're arguing it's a good bet they can hear what you're arguing about.

I'll never forget those arguments. I have probably forgiven my parents for having them but as anyone would a day doesn't go by that I don't wish that they had been loving of each other as much as they loved us kids.

Failing that, I wish they would have divorced sooner. I got out a few years earlier but my younger brother and sister were significantly damaged emotionally by it all. My brother is in his early 30s and is well on the path of a normal life. My sister is in her late 20s and is one of the most bitter people I know.

I hate the thought of abandoning your relationship with your wife - as strained as it is but your children deserve a better life and for their sake I believe your focus should lean in that direction. I certainly can't tell you what to do or even try to give 'advice' because from the outside it is much easier to look in but on the inside you have to live it. Your wife needs help and I suppose the question is - can you give it to her? Maybe the topic of conversation needs to change from the relationship between you two to the relationship she has with her children. If she's as cold to them as you say...well...your kids deserve better.