Quote:
Originally Posted by Nathans_Dad
I'm probably not going to be a very popular guy in this thread after I say this but here goes.
I think that once you bring kids into the world, you sign on to stay until those kids are out of the house.
Somehow our society has become selfish in how we look at the world. Everything is about how happy you are or how fulfilled you are in your relationship (I do not mean you to refer to the OP, just using you to refer to the generic you).
Dating relationships are about you, marriages are about us.
Now then, if there is true abuse going on, that is obviously a different situation. Also, both partners have to be on the same page. It won't work if you want to stay and she doesn't.
Myself, when I got married I knew I was signing on for life. No escape hatch, no ejector seats. That was 11 years ago.
Flame away.
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If that is working for you then more power to you. I know in my case I could have stayed married. Truth be told very few *have* to get divorced. But I don't see the world quite as black and white as you do. The fact is that there is an element of "self" that must be maintained. We do not magically transform into "us" when married, or when we have kids. Yes, children are dependent on the parents. But the parent does not cease being an individual. For some, subsuming themselves to the kid and/or marriage "works" but I've seen people who did that and frankly were pretty messed up. Mostly because they had lost themselves. At some point the kids move away and relationships change and all along you are stuck with...yourself.
I think it is a balance between self fulfillment and duty to the family. For some, that duty is better served from a bit of a distance. People have different needs and goals in life. I don't think there is one "right" answer for anyone. I've known people who have lived together and others who have married and others who have divorced. I've seen all of those combinations with and without kids. I've seen happy divorced families and miserable married families. And vice versa. There is no single solution. And I think that the historical pressure that society has brought to bear on certain "wrong" choices is partly to blame for the problems.
I suppose if we kept the women out of the workplace and the man is the king of the household, and maintain that for the kids no matter what, then everything would be just like it was. The problem is that "how it was" perhaps wasn't as good as people remember. Depends on your situation...