Quote:
Originally Posted by Nathans_Dad
I understand your point Nostatic, I just disagree with it.
I think that you are free to consider yourself first all the way up to the point where you choose to have children. After that point your primary mission in life is to do everything in your power to raise those kids to be productive members of society.
I think a major step towards that goal for the kids is growing up with a two parent family. If that means battening down the hatches and doing the hard work it takes to rediscover respect and even love for your wife, then that is what it means.
I do not see love as something you fall into. I see it as a decision you make and something you work at every day. If you can fall into love, you can fall out of it too. Relationships take work, all too often in our society people just throw in the towel because they are tired of the status quo. They hit middle age, start to wonder about their mortality and all hell breaks loose.
It's not a coincidence that divorces are very common in the late 30s and early 40s. In the last year, I have seen my brother in law get divorced by his wife and two good friends split up as well. In none of the cases was the relationship unrepairable.
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We agree to disagree on some point, on others we agree. But another thing that you fail to mention is that people can grow as they age and mature. And sometimes they "do the hard work" to sort out issues only to realize that their choice of a partner was fundamentally flawed. At this point a person has a few choices. They can "suck it up" and stay in the relationship "for the kids." (and btw how long does that have to go - until they are 18? 25?). Or they can move on while keeping the kids a primary priority.
I think where we fundamentally disagree is on the "2 parents in the house" concept. While I agree that can be nice, the reality is that I know that other situations can function quite well. And in fact can be superior to a traditional "married with children" home where one or more of the partners is seriously unhappy or has moved to a different place in life.
I still talk to my ex on a daily basis and we get along quite well. I see my son all the time. I could have stayed but in my best estimation I made the best choice for myself *and my son*. While the relationship is great, it is that way due to hard work and the fact that we don't live in the same house. That may sound crazy to you but you haven't experienced it. There is a tipping point for everything in life. Knowing when you are approaching that and your options is key.
Parents are best spending their time and effort to prepare their kids to leave. But they also better remember that they eventually will leave. My life changed for ever when I became a parent. But my life did not end.