Quote:
Originally Posted by Nathans_Dad
I guess I just don't get the "fundamentally flawed" thing. How fundamentally flawed can you be? People learn to love and respect each other all the time. Obviously both people in a marriage change and grow during the relationship. How does someone change so much that you no longer can find anything to love in them? If your wife is a manipulative beotch who verbally abuses you all the time...wasn't she that way when you were dating?.
|
Speaking hypothetically of course, the answer to the last answer can be "yes." The reality is that people choose a mate based on a variety of criteria. To the extent that someone is screwed up psychologically, they will pick someone who scratches that itch. Where you run into a problem is when one person starts getting healthy, realizes the problem, and the other person doesn't or refuses to or can't change. At that point, does the person who has gotten healthy regress and go back to the old unhealthy person, suck it up and hang around "for the kids", or investigate alternatives?
I agree that many take the path of least resistance and aren't willing to do the work or admit their own part in the problem (and there are ALWAYS two sides to the problems). But in some cases, one spouse will do the work and the other won't. Or both will do the work and they come to realize that it just isn't right.