[widgeon13]

not any of my work but I think it's funny.

A Christmas Story



Twas the night of Thanksgiving
and out of the house,
Tiger Woods came a-flying
chased by his spouse.

She wheeled a nine iron
and wasn't too merry,
cause a bimbo's phone number
she found on his Blackberry.

He been cheating on
poor little Elin,
and as each day went by
another woman came out squealing.

He'd been on Holly, on Jamie,
on Rachael, on Corrie,
on Joshlyn, Lalieka
TMZ had the story.

From the top of the world
to above the fold,
Tiger's evermore sordid tale
it was told.

With hostesses, waitresses
he had lots of sex,
and when he wasn't hosin' 'em
he sent 'em hot texts.

He crashed the Caddy
but didn't call OnStar,
yeah, he played "spank me Daddy"
with a skanky ole porn star.

He's been naughty
so with Santa he hasn't a chance,
'cept a big lump of coal
to match the lump in his pants.

But despite all his cryin
and beggin and pleadin,
Tiger's wife went right out
bought a new house in Sweden .

And I heard her exclaim
as she packed the Escalade,
"if your gonna get laid
then I'm gonna get paid".

And now she's not pouting
in fact she's of good cheer,
cause her pre-nup made Christmas
come early this year.