I've been thinking about this a lot recently. Married twice, divorced twice, dated a number of women since the last divorce over the past 5 years. Still get along great with ex wife #2 as we have to parent the boy. But she is a great intellectual match. Smart, funny, tall, attractive, makes good money. But lack of a real physical relationship and some issues over not speaking up for things proved to be too much in the end. After that I fell in love a number of times, but each time it didn't work and finally I sorted out part of the issue. I was in love with the *idea* of being madly in love. I felt that it had to be head-over-heels or nothing. And when you combine that with a fear of being alone, bad choices get made.
Fast forward to a little over two years ago. I meet a woman who is a good fit, I start my usual pattern, then *she* wigs out due to an ex. I backed off and finally retrenched my position. At that point I vowed to date more than one person and not utter the "L" word for at least the next 6 months. I did just that, seeing a couple of different people, and the one who wigged out re-entered the scene. At this point she had done her retrenching as well. We began dating again but I went way slow, still seeing other people. Finally after about 6 months I stopped seeing anyone else. Uttered the "L" word but didn't go beyond that and was very clear about being "one day at a time", "enjoy the moment" and not making any long-term commitments.
Fast forward to today, we're still together. She wants to move in, but I've held off so far. Why? Well, part of it is because I actually like having time to myself. Plus I want to go slow dealing with the issues around my son. But I'm also not in that maniacal "oh, gotta have her, she'll leave if I don't move heaven and earth for her" mind set. I love her a lot, and love spending time with her. She is a great intellectual and physical match. But I'm not maniacally "madly in love" with her. And to be honest, I think that actually might be the best thing for long term prospects. There is something seductive about the burning passion, but I have found the downsides outweigh the positive. The rush just isn't worth the mistakes.
ymmv. And we may move in together this summer. I'll have to see how I feel tomorrow
