i went to a therapist service thru the university years ago, and i was a great naysayer.
my girlfriend dragged me in as she was seeing them too, and knew i was a bit f****d up. (deservedly) i was amazed! it was great.
something that gal friend said echoes in my head a lot. one day she said " I wasn't the one who hurt you, was I?"
that woke me up. no more pity parties.
i did not continue in class therapy, but became proactive. If such a wonderful woman saw so much in me, why didn't I see it??
, but i was among a lot of very positive people, Mark Victor Hansen (chicken soup for the fill in the blank) and such motovational persons, and friends, who helped me, but i did have to change my way of thinking, and let go of some anger.
i also did a lot of reading of good therapists books, and relationship books.
The Dance trilogies by Harriet Lerhner, Gary Smalley , etc, pretty much every self help and relationship book i had ever heard of, and many that i just picked up and skimmed thru.
i think that i reprogrammed myself. ive spent nearly 15 years roaming around and learning, and enjoying being alone since my divorce. i think i am ready, but finding that person is requiring me to go out of my selfish box.
another friend , whose wife can be VERY trying, when I asked him how he could stay with her replied simply with a smile, and said, "ya just gotta love them" he recently turned me on to a website out of here (kansas city area) that he is currently working with. a relationship site. will try to find it and send you a link.
a primary point i feel is important is ya gotta like yourself a lot first before you can ever love and understand anyone else.
i know that you know how to fix this. So start!!