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Irish Understanding of Life, Death and Heaven
How to get to Heaven from Ireland

I was testing children in my Dublin Sunday school class to see if they understood the concept of getting to Heaven.

I asked them, 'If I sold my house and my car, had a big jumble sale and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into Heaven?'

'NO!' the children answered.

' If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the garden, and kept everything tidy, would that get me into Heaven?'

Again, the answer was 'No!' By now I was starting to smile

"Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave sweeties to all the children, and loved my husband, would that get me into Heaven?'

Again, they all answered 'No!' I was just bursting with pride for them.

I continued, 'Then how can I get into Heaven?'

A six year-old boy shouted out "YUV GOTTA BE FooKN' DEAD!"
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The Top Ten Signs That You're Being Stalked By A Leprechaun


Generic-looking green van parked across the street with Notre Dame bumper sticker.

Every time you turn around the pitter-pattering stops and that green fire hydrant seems to have gotten a little closer.

Green lipstick marks on the butt of your Dockers.

Your lawn gnome has an erection - and you don't own a lawn gnome.

Card delivered with the bouquet of 4-leaf clovers reads, "I bet you're magically delicious!"

When you come home from work, the potatoes are missing from the cupboard and your parrot is singing "Danny Boy."

Voice in the shower asks, "Is that your shillelagh, or are you just happy to see me?"

Pink hearts, yellow moons, and blue diamonds are scratched on your car at knee-level.

Them little green pellets in the litter box ain't M&M's.

Every day this week you've noticed the same buckle shoes dangling just above the floor in the stall next to you.