[pavulon]

I'd agree that it sounds like tough sledding. It sounds like some sort of metastatic disease that may or may not respond to treatment (chemo). Surgery would be a tough sell unless it was intended to improve quality of life or solve some problem that I'm not seeing (there could be several)...any treatment involves doing a risk/benefit equation only those involved can do. Unfortunately, her age is not working for her.

I'd try to not get bogged down in the fine details of her care (which pain meds she is on...) and try to think bigger picture. If she can reasonably participate in difficult discussions/decisions, that would probably be best. Your oncologist should be able to guide you. A question to consider asking of him/her is "what would you do if she was yours?"

Hopefully this helps in a very difficult situation for all involved.