[YTNUKLR]

Hey Sid,
been there.
I wasn't having fun my first year of college and couldn't see myself drain every last drop of blood and sleep over an order of magnitude error on a lab report. I knew I could do it, but I didn't want to at the time. I wanted to be 18-19, young and restless and make some mistakes. But, that was me ; I have no regrets, just 'what-if's?'. I don't worry about that too much.

You aren't "wasting" your pre-req classes. From what I know, anyone that did science at all for any real length of time has an option or two when s/he graduates. When you graduate, if you aren't feeling so hot about pharmacy, or you can't get in, there is probably a reason; likely it's just that you weren't quite interested in it enough. [edited ; I just read you already have a job at a pharmacy ]

If you have a hunch that you like chemistry or computers or whatever, follow it. If it stops being fun or interesting, seriously consider changing course, or, if you're too far along to change it, grin and bear it (you already came this far). I remember it was my third semester in a horrible Thermodynamics class that I was going to get a C (or worse, maybe) in, that I dropped it and changed over to something I really was interested in. I augmented my studies with more humanities, and found other things I liked and was good at besides math/science. In addition to science, machines and such, I liked writing, psychology, history and philosophy, too.

One could say I "wasted" time taking math and physics because I didn't get a math/engineering/physics degree. I don't feel like that. I often find myself thinking of forces, angles, principles of energy, entropy, fields, vectors, etc., and although I generally don't just "do math" for fun, the ideas are eternally useful. I am so glad I did all that stuff. Even though I no longer wish to go to medical school or pharmacy.

I'm only 22, but here I am going to be a hard a$$:
College is the real deal. You aren't motivated because you aren't spending enough time. Or you really, truly aren't interested in the subject or where it may lead you. Don't "Try", Do it. Go at this stuff like a raging bull for a semester or two, and see how you feel then. Go over the edge. Test yourself against yourself. Yes, on random Tuesdays your friends will call and ask if you want to go to a hockey/bowling/billiards/whatever game, get drunk or party or screw. Tell them you're busy. In high school, yeah, it's possible to do that and still get all A's. This is a new ball game. Sometimes this game is going to suck balls and you are going to have to make sacrifices. You're going to have to be in the library some nights trying to pull off a B while your friends are out drinking and carousing and yelling like retards. SERIOUSLY, give this pharmacy thing a chance, break yourself, but if your course of study is not working in 6 months' time, you need to change it. You should change it. I know several people in Berkeley Engineering that should not be there because it is too hard for them or it's not right for them. Smart and talented people grinding their lives away basically in tears because it's 5 am and they have 3 indepth homeworks and a 20hour lab report due in 3 hours. I have a close acquaintance that seems permanently scarred by trying to do too much in college. You don't want to be these guys...they literally are so burned up sometime they seem like they've been hitting heavy drugs (and I know they don't touch any of it, or even have a beer on Saturdays).

In short, my advice is; find your breaking point RIGHT NOW, you will find it fast if you do it right. You will feel in over your head. Then your dungeon master will ask you if you want mercy or more punishment. You better get it right.

Looking back, it all went so fast. I have fond memories of most classes (all but 3 or 4). But the ones that I remember most and loved most are the ones that pushed me to my breaking point. I am glad my entire experience of college wasn't about being stressed out to the point of self-destruction, however. I would have missed all the rest; some unforgettable dance parties, some incredible friends and nights out, some random music jam sessions and bike rides; all of what life has to offer. I had the chance to say, I will take the easy road and just get by and pick up my degree on the way out. But then, I would always be wondering, "What if I really tried?," "What are my actual capabilities?," "Who am I?," "What am I good at and what am I not good at?" Make sure you are satisfied with your own work; if you aren't you will always wonder and you might regret what you didn't do. The pain is temporary; your education, your self-knowledge and your enlightenment are forever.

Go clear your head. Sign up for some random astronomy or bio or poetry class. Come back to the ring swinging like a MFer. Do your work, read your books--you or your parents are paying for them. And if you don't like the boxing ring, switch it up. You didn't lose, you aren't a loser. This is your life. Of course you want to impress your folks and your friends with your smarts and your accomplishments. But, if you have to fold once in a while, do it and don't look back. You don't want to spend your life playing games you don't find fulfilling. You make YOUR choices, and when everyone else is dead and gone, the only one that ever mattered was YOURS.

I hope this helps you even a little.

I'm pullin' for you, whether or not you become a pharmacist, Nobel Laureate, the POTUS, a civil engineer, a builder of furniture or a digger of ditches. You will find what you want.