[Superman]

Another thread got me thinking. I have a question for you guys. Or at least......I wonder if anyone here understand what I'm about to report:

I've never had a serious suicide thought in my life. Sure, I suffer from depression and anxiety, but I've never considered suicide. Maybe it has to do with my problem of not feeling, and not caring about my feelings, as I reported in a thread here a few months ago. At any rate, I just have never worried about my own suffering, and so I have never considered ending the suffering. I digress.

I have a fear of heights, but that's not the reason I will not walk to the edge of the roof of a tall building. The reason I will not walk to the edge of a tall building is because I am afraid I will jump. It's not that I want to kill myself. The reason I feel like jumping is hard to explain. I see the opportunity. I realize that jumping is something that, in a flash, with little effort, I could easily accomplish. And I feel a sort of impulse. If I were to jump, it would truly be just a random, senseless thing. Purely senseless and impulsive. But the impulse is there. I once met someone who understood this impulse. Anybody here?