Quote:
Originally Posted by Superman
Another thread got me thinking. I have a question for you guys. Or at least......I wonder if anyone here understand what I'm about to report:
I've never had a serious suicide thought in my life. Sure, I suffer from depression and anxiety, but I've never considered suicide. Maybe it has to do with my problem of not feeling, and not caring about my feelings, as I reported in a thread here a few months ago. At any rate, I just have never worried about my own suffering, and so I have never considered ending the suffering. I digress.
I have a fear of heights, but that's not the reason I will not walk to the edge of the roof of a tall building. The reason I will not walk to the edge of a tall building is because I am afraid I will jump. It's not that I want to kill myself. The reason I feel like jumping is hard to explain. I see the opportunity. I realize that jumping is something that, in a flash, with little effort, I could easily accomplish. And I feel a sort of impulse. If I were to jump, it would truly be just a random, senseless thing. Purely senseless and impulsive. But the impulse is there. I once met someone who understood this impulse. Anybody here?
|
Hear you loud and clear.
I don't have a fear of heights but I intentionally avoid high places for exactly the same reason.
My wife and family are aware of it and generally "keep an eye" on me when we are in environments that might be an issue for me.
Strangely it seems to be a rush thing for me.
Back in the day when my knees, back and shoulders still worked and I could still ski as aggressively as I prefer to I took every opportunity to jump off stuff.