My son(6.5) is very finicky(comes with the Aspberger's we are told). He simply won't eat most food that we enjoy. He does eat healthy items and loves to snack on grapes and yogurt and his health is just about perfect. We don't push food on him at this time.
My daughter(4), one the other hand, is not afflicted with ADD, ADHD, etc. She is just bullheaded. (yeah, yeah, I know it's from me.
)
With her, if she asks for a certain food item she has to eat it. If she starts whining or getting pi$$y, she goes to her room for 5 minutes or longer, depending how she acts during the punishment phase.
Tonight, I made burgers on the grill. She told me she wanted one. At some point she decided that she wanted scrambled eggs. We told her she had to eat the burger.
She started in with the fit and whining so we punished her. She never came back to the table so she went without. too bad, so sad.
Now, at bedtime she is hungry. I sat down with her and talked about her behavior and why she is hungry now. She told me she will her hamburger next time. We let her have a granola type bar but sugary snack.
This really wasn't to post advice but more to let you know you are not alone out there. Dinner time is not like the Cleaver's her, either. We eat together every night but rarely is there a night that goes without any incident.
p.s. Sometimes, in those rare moments when they really push my buttons, I have similar feelings towards my kids. I have to go to a quiet place and remind myself that they are just kids, good or bad, we love them no matter what they do.
Hang in there.