[legion]

My sister-in-law graduated from U of I in 2002 with a degree in psychology. Shortly after, she started dating Tony. By 2006 things were getting serious, everyone was expecting an engagement.....and they broke up. Tony's mother (a realtor) had picked out a house for them, that was conveniently across the street from her. My SIL said no dice, we pick out a house together or I don't move in, he ended the relationship.

Shortly after that, my SIL started dating Chuck. Chuck was the classic rebound relationship: the first thing that came along. My SIL is a big girl and she has anxiety about being alone, so she tends to settle rather than take the time to find what she wants.

Chuck is impulsive and uneducated. He's not a bad guy, but he doesn't really understand how the world works and he tries to make up for it by making things up to sound intelligent. Chuck had VERY bad credit when he and my SIL started dating, but blamed it on his recent divorce. Plausible, but Chuck also exhibited no understanding of how money works (more on that later).

Three months into dating, my SIL and Chuck were engaged. A year after that, they were married. They've been married for almost three years now.

About two years ago, Chuck up and decided he wanted to rejoin the National Guard. Chuck had been in previously, hadn't gotten the MOS he wanted (I suspect he didn't test well for whatever it is he wanted to do), and complained until he got discharged. He was in for a whopping 6 months previously. So now, to rejoin, he had to serve out his previous 3½ commitment PLUS a new 4 year commitment. Shortly thereafter Chuck was sent through basic, some more training, and shipped to Afghanistan. He did about 8 months there, another 2 months on various bases, and has been home for about 6 months.

Chuck can't hold down a job. In the 4ish years I've known him, he has been a diesel mechanic, a bicycle technician, an admissions advisor for an online college, a tech at a performance tuning shop, on active deployment, an HVAC installation guy, a bicycle tech again, a diesel mechanic again, and now does cabinet installation. Somewhere between 3-6 months on a job, he decides either he doesn't like the people he's working with or he should be promoted to a much higher position. Either way, he quits in disgust.

Chuck has no concept of money. He thinks if there is money in the checking account, it is free to spend. My SIL has had to get a separate checking account so that she can set aside money for rent and bills. Chuck spends his whole paycheck usually on the day he gets it. Chuck brought home a $5,000 BMX bike from the bike shop once, and as far as I know, is still yet to ride it. He once bought a $1,200 cat tree (took up an entire room) at a pet store. He buys a new car every six months and just rolls the old loan balance into the new car loan, while taking a massive bath on the trade-in value of the "old" car. He's impulsive and doesn't understand budgeting or saving.

Last month, Chuck decided to move to Indianapolis. His story is that his father beat up a cop (plausible story, his father is a violent drunk) and the cop is in a coma. Because he shares the same name as his father, he fears it causing him trouble. Okay, that makes some sense...but he also claims that if the cop in question dies, the polices will issue a "shoot on sight" order for his father, and he fears for his life because of their common name. This is Chuck making stuff up to sound intelligent.

So my SIL is staying behing in Aurora to wrap up the lease on their apartment, Chuck is staying with friends in Indy. Because Chuck ran up such a huge bill on the cruise last week (and because my SIL has trouble putting her foot down with Chuck--a problem she has with no one else), my SIL has no taken a second job to pay off the credit card debt.

The writing on the wall is pretty clear at this point. My SIL is going to find herself very unhappy and working her tail off to keep up with her husband's spending. I'm not sure when she will decide that she wants out, but I'm pretty sure it will happen at some point. It will probably come when Chuck finally buys something that my SIL can't forsee getting out from under. She wants to buy a house and has tried to save, but keeps having to wipe out her savings to cover his spending.

I feel bad for my SIL, but I also know she is full of pride. A lot of people warned her about Chuck before her marriage, and she will do anything to prevent them from being right. Like I said, Chuck isn't a bad guy, he's not malicious and he doesn't cheat, but he does abuse my SIL in a way just the same.