This group seems to be interested and helpful with relationship difficulties. Dueller's posts about his relationship have been a good cautionary tale for me. I think I've lost my patience with someone I thought I was going to marry. Ugh. I'll call her K.
Short version. I've been divorced for a few years. Met K or actually re met K who I'd been introduced to shortly after my divorce through a mutual friend. The following year the stars aligned, we reconnected and quickly fell into a great relationship. I have two great kids, both in college and doing well. One is 20, the other 18. She has an 11 year old son.
The one issue that has come up about every 3 months is her criticizing how I relate to and/or parent my children. Mind you, two in college, one on an ROTC sholarship, the other a junior doing a double major while working 16-20 hours a week paying her own way as much as possible. Right now, the only thing coming out of her college fund is tuition and books. She earns her own food and incidentals while saving a few thousand a year. They are both good people finding their way in the world. She's had issues with how I've parented, or I should say how their Mom and I have parented them over the last couple of years. To me it's been stupid small stuff. Kid wants a different car, I help him with it. Daughter gets lonely at times. She thinks she needs to be more independant. She lives on her own. At most it's daily phone calls. It's not like she stays with us. She came and borrowed my two labs who she grew up with for a few nights. That set off the speech about how she needs to learn to be comfortable alone.
My attitude has been that the kids have two involved and caring parents who despite being divorced get along well, talk often about how the kids are doing (less over time) and are thankful that they are where they are in life. Smaller issues don't pop up on our radar. K has no idea what teenagers can be like or get involved with.
I'm 47 and don't have the patience for this crap. I don't want or need the typical marriage situation or family life to feel fullfilled. The more this comes up the more I just want some time alone. I can only imagine the discussions if one of my kids were to ever have a real problem.
Is it possible to find a woman who's rationale, willing to take me as I am, doesn't need to mother my kids or opine frequently about their parenting? Someone who is just happy I'm happy, fit, financially in decent shape and don't look like Joseph Merrick, Rodney Dangerfield or Kyle Busch?
Is there any reason to actually get married even if you do find the right woman?
Why haven't I learned yet that people don't change?