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I've been with my g/f for 3 years now. She is very mellow and patient, and doesn't give me any crap about my parenting. She will occasionally offer her opinion if asked, and she gladly helps out but doesn't view herself as a "mom."
There are some sane women out there - but you have to have some clarity to attract them. Took me a long time to figure that out. I went very slow with this relationship, and made my boundaries quite clear. We're going to get a place together next summer, and one of the key topics of conversation is how each of us is going to get enough "alone" time.
The only reason to put up with someone else's crap is if you want to put up with someone else's crap. If you just say, "no" and are a reasonable person, then they will either respect that (and life is good) or they'll leave (and life is good). But you have to be willing/able to be happy alone.
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