[crustychief]

Hi Mate,

I am writing to you because I need your help to get me bloody pilot's
license back. You keep telling me you got all the right contacts. Well
now's your chance to make something happen for me because, mate, I'm
bloody desperate. But first, I'd better tell you what happened during my
last flight review with the CAA Examiner.

On the phone, Ron (that's the CAA d*#"head), seemed a reasonable sort of
a bloke. He politely reminded me of the need to do a flight review every
two years. He even offered to drive out, have a look over my property
and let me operate from my own strip. Naturally I agreed to that.

Anyway, Ron turned up last Wednesday. First up, he said he was a bit
surprised to see the plane on a small strip outside my homestead,
because the "ALA"(Authorized Landing Area), is about a mile away. I
explained that because this strip was so close to the homestead, it was
more convenient than the "ALA," and despite the power lines crossing
about midway down the strip, it's really not a problem to land and
take-off, because at the halfway point down the strip you're usually
still on the ground.

For some reason Ron, seemed nervous. So, although I had done the
pre-flight inspection only four days earlier, I decided to do it all
over again. Because the prick was watching me carefully, I walked around
the plane three times instead of my usual two.

My effort was rewarded because the colour finally returned to Ron's
cheeks. In fact, they went a bright red. In view of Ron's obviously
better mood, I told him I was going to combine the test flight with some
farm work, as I had to deliver three "poddy calves" from the home
paddock to the main herd. After a bit of a chase I finally caught the
calves and threw them into the back of the ol' Cessna 172. We climbed
aboard but Ron, started getting onto me about weight and balance
calculations and all that crap. Of course I knew that sort of thing was
a waste of time because calves, like to move around a bit particularly
when they see themselves 500-feet off the ground! So, it's bloody
pointless trying to secure them as you know. However, I did tell Ron
that he shouldn't worry as I always keep the trim wheel set on neutral
to ensure we remain pretty stable at all stages throughout the flight.

Anyway, I started the engine and cleverly minimized the warm-up time by
tramping hard on the brakes and gunning her to 2,500 RPM. I then
discovered that Ron has very acute hearing, even though he was wearing a
bloody headset. Through all that noise he detected a metallic rattle and
demanded I account for it. Actually it began about a month ago and was
caused by a screwdriver that fell down a hole in the floor and lodged in
the fuel selector mechanism. The selector can't be moved now, but it
doesn't matter because it's jammed on "All tanks," so I suppose that's
Okay.

However, as Ron was obviously a nit-picker, I blamed the noise on
vibration from a stainless steel thermos flask which I keep in a beaut
little possie between the windshield and the magnetic compass. My
explanation seemed to relax Ron, because he slumped back in the seat and
kept looking up at the cockpit roof. I released the brakes to taxi out,
but unfortunately the plane gave a leap and spun to the right. "Hell" I
thought, "not the starboard wheel chock again."

The bump jolted Ron back to full alertness. He looked around just in
time to see a rock thrown by the prop-wash disappear completely through
the windscreen of his brand new Commodore. "Now I'm really in trouble,"
I thought...
While Ron was busy ranting about his car, I ignored his requirement that
we taxi to the "ALA," and instead took off under the power lines. Ron
didn't say a word, at least not until the engine started coughing right
at the lift off point, and then he bloody screamed his head off. "Oh
God! Oh God! Oh God!"

"Now take it easy Ron," I told him firmly. "That often happens on
take-off and there is a good reason for it." I explained patiently that
I usually run the plane on standard MOGAS, but one day I accidentally
put in a gallon or two of kerosene. To compensate for the low octane of
the kerosene, I siphoned in a few gallons of super MOGAS and shook the
wings up and down a few times to mix it up. Since then, the engine has
been coughing a bit but in general it works just fine, if you know how
to coax it properly..............continued..