[UrQuattro]

Heheh... I was reading the first few pages, Laughing my butt off and trying to think of a story worthy of this thread, because, I mean, y'all are a bunch of idiots. But I digress...

So this was back about a year before I got my UrQ, '97. I had a pretty cherry 4000 quattro that I had upgraded the suspension on to height adjustable coilovers and such, but I was lagging on a couple areas of maintenance.

So my best friend at the time, in his 90quattro, and me in the 4kq headed off exploring a new road by a jobsite that he was working on as an intern as a civil engineer.

Anyway, we get to the end of the road, it hit some freeway, and we headed up the slab to find some gas. After a few minutes, we found a station, pulled in and filled up.

Then I noticed that there was a dirt hill about 15 feet tall and at about 30 or 40 degrees or so at one side of the parking lot.

I thought since both of us were in quattros, that it would be an awesome thing to drive our cars up this insane grade, park em next to each other, and take pictures.

Amazingly, both cars made it fully up and on to the hill and we took some pics. It was absolutely hilarious. The people working in the gas station were just standing at the window with their jaws slack and pointing every once in a while.

Well, it was time to come back down and head out. My friend made it fine, but I didn't. Ya see, I knew my rear brake pads were really worn down. And I mean almost to the metal. But on that car, a set of rear pad does almost nothing, so I wasn't worried about it. But I was thinking in terms of driving in normal situations, not backing down a nearly 45 degree dirt incline. Apparently the engineers at girling didn't take my current (at thhe time) situation in to account when they designed the rear brake callipers because as soon as I released the parking brake and started backing down, in between quick applications of the brakes I hears this weird "clink, clink" sound as if something had fallen off the car. Plus, now, as soon as I TOUCHED the brakes, they would lock up. It made no sense to me! So, I put it in gear and used the engine ad the brake and got myself off the hill (at MUCH distress to my clutch).

Once I was down, I went into diagnostic mode trying to figure out what happened. Then my friend noticed a couple little pieces of metal on the hill. They ended up being the brake pads from my right rear wheel. Apparently, girling didn't think that anyone would be DUMB enough to these two things at the same time: 1. Drive up the hill I just did. 2. Have such worn down rear brake pads that they could slip between the carrier and mounting bracket an fall out when subjected to nearly 45 degree inclines.

So, there we are, in the middle of nowhere, one car working fine, and another who's brake pads had jump out of their car for their own safety, figuring that they hadn't asked to be put in that situation, they disnt want to have to deal with that situation, and dammit they were getting the hell out of there even if it meant leaving their comrades stationed at the other three corners of the car to fend for themselves.

Hooray for me. I was freaking out, but my friend, also Michael, was just about literally rolling on the floor laughing about having worn out my brake pads so much that they could FALL OUT OF THE CALLIPER!! I don't want to talk about the people who worked in the gas station.

Once he got himself together, and I had removed m toolbox from the trunk, I had remembered that i ha been carrying an extra set of rear brake pads in my trunk just in case. I know, in case of what? Apparently in case my old ones fell out of the car.

Well, we started jacking the car up, but since I couldn't put the parking brake on, it was really iffy. We were able to get the wheel off, and placed under the car just in time for the car to start tipping off the jack and landing on the wheel.

See, even though we blocked the other wheels from turning by wedging rocks in them, what we didn't notice was the fact that the whole parking lot was covered in a fine layer of dust, and it was far enough away from level that when jacked up, the weight of the car would just cause the tires to SLIDE and let the car fall off the jack.

Did I mention we were in the middle of nowhere and it was dark by this point?

So, since the wheel was off, at least I was able to do the work on the calliper an install the good pads in to it while the car sat on the wheel.

But then came time to jack the car back up and out the wheel on. But anytime it went up, it would come right back down. So, mike decoded to go to the opposite side and hold the car against gravity while I was responsible for very quickly getting the wheel on and getting at least a couple lug bolts started.

Needless to say, eventually we got it back together and
got home late that night. I never did live that one down.

Also in '98 and this time being part of a special Audi contingent who had special parking at devils playground at the Pikes Peak Hillclimb (I think that's the name of Whatever the highest point spectators are allowed to be at.) and how on the long, slow, bumpy journey, in the same 4000 quattro, the bolt that acts as the pivot for the alternator came loose and worked it's way out or it's pivot point such that I was basically stranded at 14,000 feet with no alternator mounting/pivot bolt, and how I came up with the solution of using the 1/4" extension from that same toolkit as a replacement for the bolt - secured by safety wire.

That fix not only got me down the hill, bit through a day at Pueblo Motorsports park where the Audi contingent had it all to ourselves for free, AND it got me all the way home to the sf bay area too. Ahhh, MacGuyver'ing. There's nothing quite like it.

Sincerely,
Moron