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I've dealt with this, sort of. This was my 3rd xmas since my divorce. My kids are older (18 and 20). We've had a very civil and good post divorce relationship and spend time together with the kids at birthdays, graduation, etc. I saw her Dad during the holidays, she came to dinner with my Mom the other night.
I want the kids to understand we are still a family in some ways but don't want to set the expectation we'll spend every holiday together. My ex has had a rough time with some bad financial decisions and loser boyfriends. I tend to still be a source of advice and support but no $'s. It's tough and we were together for over 20 years.
Your BIL sounds immature at best. I put nothing ahead of my kids welfare and no PDA around them with my GF other than a smooch and hand holding, etc. Agree with others though that this is something to stay out of. Poor kid, being adopted is tough enough (I am) and this kind of behavior just adds insult to injury.
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Jerry
1983 911 SC/Carrera Franken car, 1974 914 Bumblebee, 1970 914-4, 1999 323ti
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