[stomachmonkey]

Rules from the other guy:

1. When you come to our city and get lost, please do not slow down at every intersection and look at your map and squint and look at the street sign, then continue straight. In fact, we suggest that you not look at the map at all while driving.

2. When you are walking on the sidewalk, please look in front of you. Do not look up in the air at the purdy buildings, or 90 degrees to the left or right.

3. We applaud you for your relaxed pace in walking. However, if you choose to do so, please move to the inside edge of the sidewalk, nearer to the purdy buildings and windows.

4. Hello how are you is not an invitation for a lengthy conversation. We are just being polite. We really don't care how you are.

5. Have your cash in hand ready to pay. Don't wait to hear your total before digging in your wallet/purse for 4 $1 dollar bills and 93cents in change, hand over a 5 and leave. There are people waiting behind you that have places to go and things to do. Oh, and refresh yourself on #4.

6. When walking in the city please do not impede foot traffic by standing at the corner waiting for the little hand to turn from Red to White. With 50 people in the intersection with you your odds of being run down are fairly small. If you stop your odds of being shoved out of the way into the path of a delivery truck will be fairly high. Refresh yourself on the last part of #5.

7. Fold your damn Pizza, you look like an idiot any other way. And unless your are 5 years old a fork and knife are not necessary.

8. When I'm visiting you don't ask me if I know your friend Joe. No, I don't know Joe Bob either.

9. Don't spit on our streets or subway platforms, we don't like it. If you must have a face full of chew bring a spit cup.