[Rick Lee]

My dearest friend from college is in a very bad spot, has been for two years and his unemployment $$ is running out. Much of it is of his own doing, but he has had a few bad breaks. He got ulcerative colitis a few years ago and was on short-term disability for a few mos., spent some time in the hospital, lost a ton of weight and then developed depression. I don't know much about depression, but his case has made him afraid to ever answer the phone. I'm not saying that because I have a hard time reaching him. It's what got him fired. His boss tried to keep him in the loop on deals while he was out sick, but "Phil" just never responded to his boss's calls or emails. Boss finally gave him an ultimatum through another close friend who got Phil his job there. Boss said Phil will be fired if he doesn't call by noon on Monday. So Phil decided to email the boss Monday afternoon. Bam! Fired. Phil couldn't even bring himself to return his Blackberry and, after several warnings, the company wiped it clean remotely and shut it down, losing all Phil's personal info in there too.

Phil finally sought help, started seeing a doctor, got on meds and started doing a lot better. But by then his wife had had enough and walked. Now Phil is consumed by anger and bitterness toward his estranged wife, who he feels abandoned him when he needed her the most. I don't think she's a bad person at all and Phil has never claimed she was an unfit mother. But wife, who had quit her real job to work from home part time and raise their daughter, went back into the workforce, got a great job and is moving on.

Phil, afraid he'd end up paying alimony after the divorce, has sort of deliberately not looked for a real job, worked under the table and generally been a bum. Now he's really broke and says he can't even get a job at Home Depot. I told him he would never know about a job offer, since he never answers his phone. My folks even tried to call him when they were in the neighborhood, but his voicemail box was full.

Anyway, the guy needs a kick in the ass. He's normally not a slacker, he's super smart and no one has ever met him and not liked him. He's got some brand of depression that makes him fear contact with people and the meds he takes ain't fixing it. I'm a little agoraphobic, hate everyone and don't view a ringing phone as a call to action. But I put that all aside when I'm working and get it done. He can't. How to help him? Let him hit rock bottom, go on welfare, lose all custody of his daughter, while life passes him by? Or try some kind of proactive intervention?