Craigslist ad in LA...
Are you leaving with the rapture on May 21st, 2011? I expect to be left behind when it happens, so if you aren't going to need your worldly possessions; be they money, cars, canned food, durable goods, computers etc; I would gladly take them off of your hands. Serious responses only, please. And remember, time is short! You can contact me by replying to this ad. I live in Studio City, But I'm willing to travel for any stuff you won't be needing in the after-life.
I am a very moral person and I refuse to join the gangs roaming looters that are sure to fill the streets. This way you can rest in peace knowing that your worldly crap went to a nice person who would never steal it.
Think about it. Wouldn't Jesus want you to help out the wretched? What could be more wretched than a pathetic, moral atheist spending his final days on this earth without any chance for redemption?
So let me know if I can come give your personal, worldly items a good home in the final days.
May God bless and keep you and may he take pity on my lost and empty soul!