It seems like you are fixating on the few thousand dollar incentive your company is offering you to cover fees. You really need to let that go. Rent the house in NJ. Rent in Albuquerque. Now is not the time to buy in ABQ. Believe me, I know. We are still a ways from the bottom. Its a renters market in ABQ and you should be able to find a very nice home for $1100 a month or so. You really need to listen to the advice from the board here and separate yourself from your emotions
