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One thing I'll throw out is that perhaps the house hasn't sold because you don't have a good real estate agent. I've been around sales enough to know that it is a real art, and it takes a lot of work. In my experience, 9 out of 10 real estate agents are idiots (strong word, that) and they don't know how to sell. It's not an easy job to do right.
If it was my money on the line, I'd interview a bunch of agents, pick a good one, and come up with a strategy to sell the house. You may have to spend a little money on it, to get it ready to sell. You might have to negotiate a better commsission, if they can deliver in a certain length of time.
If I had any doubts about the current agent, I'd do this before giving up. I'd also rent a house in NM, if it came to that, rather than an apartment. If you can make the NJ house cash flow as a rental, $2.5k a month ought to get you a rent house in NM.
I don't know how old your wife is, but if she's anywhere near 50, the depression could be a hormonal thing. Her doc could help that.
Good luck,
JR
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