Quote:
Originally Posted by HHI944
Y'know, I'm really not sure. Part of me wants to call a buddy of mine who owns a florist shop, grab a few dozen roses and go pound on her door right now. I've never felt this way about someone before. I was very close to proposing to one girl several years ago and how I felt about her pales in comparison to how I feel about this one. Of course, the other part of me doesn't want to do anything that could jeopardize the friendship.
I dunno, I'm confused and mildly inebriated. I think it's time for a consultation with my 18 year old Scottish friend, that should help get my mind off of it...
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Easy there, big fella -- so lemme get this straight -- you haven't even DATED this woman, yet you are ready to spent the rest of your life with her?!?!
Even if she and you were the same age, you need to SLOW YOUR MIND DOWN! You are putting the cart before the horse, my friend, and subsequently, you are putting way too much pressure on you and the potential of a relationship.
Consider these steps:
1. You are friends with her -- that's a good first step.
2. Next step would be to actually ask her out on a date. See what that's like.
3. Next step after that -- maybe go 'steady' (sorry for sounding so cliche) - but date only her exclusively. That will allow you to get to know her on a different level. And no, I'm not talking about sex -- I'm talking about getting to know her on a more intimate level - emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. But the most important aspect of this time is this: you two will get to find out what 'smells' about each other. In other words -- you get to find out those things which aren't as appealing to one other -- maybe you fart alot. Maybe she eats foods that are revoling to you. So you find out about the good, the bad, and the ugly. That allows you to paint a better picture of you, her, and the overall relationship. The first few weeks of relationship, everything comes up roses. The true test is when the roses wilt -- what's left of the relationship.
Note: I do not suggest moving in together - partly because I have spiritual reasons, but also because it can give you a false sense of commitment.
4. If you two are still dating after a year or so, maybe then you two would know better if there is a long-term committed relationship for the two of you. I say a year because I believe at your age, that should be sufficient time to get to know each other more intimately.
5. Take about a half-a-year to a year as an engagement period. This time can be the most trying time a couple goes through. If you can survive this period, including the marriage planning process, you will be better equiped to handle the future as a married couple.
6. If you last through steps 1 - 5, you will be better prepared for marriage. I'm not saying it will guarantee you a successful marriage, but it will certainly help. 1-2 years to determine if your feels are valid isn't that long, considering you want to spend the rest of your life with this lady...
Life is filled with stepping stones. There are no short-cuts, especially when it comes to developing a relationship. Build a good foundation and the future will be alot easier to handle.
-Z-man.
PS: I married my soulmate 17 years ago -- she is 4 years younger than I am. We dated for a year, were engaged for a year, and now we've been married 17 years. While the time we were together before we were married didn't reveal all of our faults to each other, it certainly helped us understand that we both aren't perfect and have flaws and issues that need to be dealt it.