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Good essay. The human is little different from other creatures on this earth in that the survival instinct is very strong, and I think the fear of death is tightly wound into that. Death being the loss of the life, which is what your inner self is fighting, even subconsciously, to keep going. This may be an important part of it. You are hardwired to fear death as part of the operation of the life mechanism.
The vale of tears is in my opinion the grieving process that we all go through, because the death of a loved one is likely the loss of a close and dear friend, someone you will miss and never see again. A big piece is the death of a loved one brings to the fore your own eventual death.
I think an additional question might be, "what is your chosen way to die?" In other words, die in your sleep(I vote for that), die without a premonition of your immediate death, die in a nursing home tied to a chair, die a miserable painful death, die by suicide to avoid a painful death, etc. Of course, you don't get to choose!
We never discussed death with our kids except as you do before the funerals of loved ones. I remember being asked at my mother's funeral, "why did Nana die" and responded that it was her time to go. End of discussion.
I think death is something that rises in your consciousness as part of the aging process, and before that it is just a random event that happens to others. I can't say I am not afraid of death, but at my age it is just when, and not if, so both my wife and I have accepted it will arrive someday, ready or not. We do all we can to make our lives long and healthy, but know someday it all ends.
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