[mikesride]

Death saddens me...I have mourned over to many losses and I fear for how those near me will grieve when I die.

I am 41, a son, a father, a husband, a brother and a man with many loved acquaintances and a hand full of truly amazing close friends. I have fought for life and now live with the emotional and physical pain left from this battle.

I know the cancer that once tried to take me away from this amazing life is still inside my body, waiting for its next chance to take me...I will fight (or, die trying!!).

One moment I am cocky and walk tall, proclaiming that these are my cards and I shall play out my hand as dealt to me. The next moment I can be overcome with fear and anxiety...a condition for which I now get mind numbing medication for.

I want to live this life...right now! For it is the only one I know for sure exists! I don't want to leave any time soon! So much more to do......

Thanks "D" for such a great thread, reading what some of you have to say is soothing and uplifting. Perhaps one day soon I will be able to make peace with my mortality and that will be the greatest victory this life has in store for me.