[MRM]

My wife and I both have significant company functions. I work for a law firm; she works for a large corporation. The rule is no spouses/significant others unless specifically invited. Over the course of the year she probably has 30 after work functions of one kind or another. I'm invited to about 3. My firm has about the same number of family/spouse/SO events.

The rule is that if there is not a business purpose to the spouse/SO being there, they should not attend. That being said, the OP handled the situation properly. I mean, what are you going to do in that situation other than grin and bear it? The only reason non-employees should attend a retirement lunch is either because it was a big blow-out deal where spouses were invited, or if they had a special longe term relationship with the person who is retiring.

Give them the benefit of the doubt. Maybe they just didn't know any better.