I have no way of knowing if those quotes actually were said in court, but at least I found the book they're from:
Disorder in the Court: Great Fractured Moments in Courtroom History: Charles M. Sevilla, Lee Lorenz: 9780393319286: Amazon.com: Books
Quote:
Book Description
Publication Date: August 1, 1999
In America's courtooms, the verdict is laughter.
Sit back and enjoy a collection of verbatim exchanges from the halls of justice, where defendants and plaintiffs, lawyers and witnesses, juries and judges, collide to produce memorably insane comedy. The Court: "The charge here is theft of frozen chickens. Are you the defendant, sir?" Defendant: "No, sir, I'm the guy who stole the chickens."
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More About the Author
Charles M. Sevilla is in a private law practice in San Diego. His collection of humor in law books include "Disorder in the Court" and "Disorderly Conduct."