Bush: (Knock)
Saddam: Come in.
Bush: Ah, Is this the right place for disarmament?
Saddam: I told you once that I've disarmed.
Bush: No you haven't.
Saddam: I've already disarmed.
Bush: When?
Saddam: Just now.
Bush: No you didn't.
Saddam: Yes I did.
Bush: You didn't
Saddam: I did!
Bush: You didn't!
Saddam: I'm telling you I did!
Bush: You did not!!
Saddam: Oh, I'm sorry, just one moment. Do you mean full disarmament or just a couple of missiles?
Bush: Oh, full disarmament.
Saddam: Ah, thank you. Anyway, I did.
Bush: You most certainly did not.
Saddam: Look, let's get this thing clear; I quite definitely disarmed.
Bush: No you did not.
Saddam: Yes I did.
Bush: No you didn't.
Saddam: Yes I did.
Bush: No you didn't.
Saddam: Yes I did.
Bush: No you didn't.
Saddam: Yes I did.
Bush: You didn't.
Saddam: Did.
Bush: Oh look, this isn't compliance with UN Resolution 1441.
Saddam: Yes it is.
Bush: No it isn't. It's just defiance.
Saddam: No it isn't.
Bush: It is!
Saddam: It is not.
Bush: Look, you just contradicted me.
Saddam: I did not.
Bush: Oh you did!!
Saddam: No, no, no.
Bush: You did just then.
Saddam: Nonsense!
Bush: Oh, this is futile!
Saddam: No it isn't.
Bush: I came here for a full accounting for destruction of your weapons.
Saddam: No you didn't; no, you came here for compliance.
Bush: Compliance isn't just saying "I've disarmed."
Saddam: It can be.
Bush: No it can't. Compliance is revealing and destroying weapons of mass
destruction in full view of U.N. inspectors.
Saddam: No it isn't.
Bush: Yes it is! It's not just empty statements.
Saddam: Look, if I comply with the UN, I must say I've disarmed.
Bush: Yes, but full disarmament isn't just saying "I've disarmed."
Saddam: Yes it is!
Bush: No it isn't!
Bush: Disarmament is an open process. Declarations of de-weaponizing absent records or hard evidence of actual destruction of WMDs is useless.
Pause
Saddam: No it isn't.
Bush: It is.
Saddam: Not at all.
Bush: Now look.
Saddam: (Rings bell) Good Morning.
Bush: What?
Saddam: That's it. Good morning.
Bush: I was just getting started.
Saddam: Sorry, the inspections are done.
Bush: That was never disarmament!
Saddam: I'm afraid it was.
Bush: It wasn't.
Pause
Saddam: I'm sorry, but I'm not allowing inspections anymore.
Bush: What?!
Saddam: If you want me to allow inspections, you'll have to pass
another UN resolution.
Bush: Yes, but that was never compliance, just now. Oh come on!
Saddam: (Hums)
Bush: Look, this is ridiculous.
Saddam: I'm sorry, but I'm not allowed to argue unless you've passed
another U.N. resolution.
Bush: Oh, all right. (passes 18th resolution against Iraq)
Saddam: Thank you.
Pause
Bush: Well?
Saddam: Well what?
Bush: That wasn't really compliance, just now.
Saddam: I told you, I'm not going to allow inspections unless you've passed a UN resolution.
Bush: I just did!
Saddam: No you didn't.
Bush: I DID!
Saddam: No you didn't.
[Note - Original work by Eric Lindholm (MadSwede10 _at_ aol _dot_ com),
http://vikingpundit.blogspot.com. Posted with his permission.
My thanks to him - ed.]